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Forever aching to hold you again

In the flowers I see you.

In the breeze I feel you.

In our stories I hear you.

In my tears I taste you.

You are a part of me

and I am a part of you.

When I lost you, I lost a part of myself.

The hole in my heart will never fully mend.

My arms will forever ache to hold you again. -CW

I am sharing about our babies today as a part of the #ihaveaheavenbaby movement created by @lianalaneart.

I had two miscarriages in 2017. One was during Mother’s Day weekend + the other was right before Thanksgiving. I was early along in my pregnancies but the losses still broke me. I wanted something on earth to represent my babies so I did a photo shoot titled ‘The Birth of Spring’ where a model represented the “end of winter” + “start of spring,” as a hopeful tribute to my babies. I soon realized I wanted to do more photo shoots where I immersed myself + other women who have experienced loss into the photographs. #seasonsofhopephotos

I thought my “spring” had come when I found out I was pregnant in 2018. However, my life came shattering down on October 19, 2018, when my son Bennett was stillborn.

As Bennett’s graveside service started, rain began to fall. When the last song played, the rain stopped. We felt God crying with us as our tears mixed with the rain. Oh how Bennett is loved. As I touched Bennett’s casket one more time before leaving him, I quietly thanked God for the time we had with Bennett. I find comfort knowing I carried him for his entire life. Our baby went from being safe + warm inside of me + hearing our voices, to opening his eyes for the first time + seeing our Lord + meeting his older siblings. After Bennett’s service + the rain had cleared, a rainbow shone brightly in the sky. God is good.

My greatest pain is losing our babies but I also have joy + hope for the future + want to honor my babies. They matter. I matter. So do you and your babies—whether they are here on earth or in Heaven, or still within the desires of your heart.

{This is a self portrait I took in April with flowers that were given to us after we lost Bennett.}

Below are some sweet mama’s who are sharing their loss stories today too. Give them a read. Post your loss story using #ihaveaheavenbaby to join the conversation. ❤️ @lianalaneart @carried.josiahandco @mrs.jordonbailey @stephespineli

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